Why So Many Women Struggle to Relax During a Massage
Even when the body craves rest, many women find it hard to fully let go during a massage. The reasons go beyond the physical — they’re mental and emotional too. Here's why, and how it can shift.
6/9/20252 min read
The body is tired. The mind is overwhelmed. And still, when many women finally make time for a massage — a moment meant for care and peace — they realize something inside them won’t let go.
Instead of softening, they hold tension.
Why is it so hard to relax?
The ever-alert mind
Most women live in a state of constant alertness — always ready to act, respond, protect, solve. This state doesn’t vanish just because they lie down on a massage table.
Even in a warm, safe environment, the nervous system may take time to believe it’s truly okay to relax. The mind stays on: What’s happening now? Am I doing this right? Is this okay?
Deep relaxation doesn’t happen just because we want it.
It happens with time, trust, and real presence.
The pressure to please or perform
Many women have learned — consciously or not — that their body is something to be judged or evaluated. That belief creates silent discomfort when being touched, even in a safe and professional setting.
Thoughts like Does my body look okay? Am I reacting the way I’m supposed to? can intrude, making it nearly impossible to let go.
To relax is to feel safe — not just physically, but emotionally.
When past experiences live in the skin
For some women, touch can awaken old memories — of discomfort, invasion, or even trauma. Sometimes clearly remembered, sometimes buried deep, these memories linger in the body and can rise unexpectedly during a massage.
That’s why a professional session must always be grounded in deep respect, empathy, and clear boundaries.
Only then can it become a healing and empowering experience.
True relaxation takes time, care, and a new kind of touch
A skilled massage therapist doesn’t try to force relaxation.
They create the right conditions for it to happen naturally:
A space free of judgment
Active listening through the hands
Full, grounded presence
A rhythm that adjusts to the person receiving
When these elements are present, the body slowly stops resisting.
It breathes. It softens.
And the woman begins to feel — safely, fully, and without fear.
Sources
Nilda Chiaraviglio (2021). El cuerpo tiene memoria: trauma, deseo y sanación. Ed. Paidós.
Bessel van der Kolk (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.
Interview with Mariana Kersz, clinical sexologist. La Nación Bienestar, 2022.
Judith Blackstone (2008). The Intimate Life: Awakening to the Spiritual Essence. Sounds True.